Friday, July 06, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Fathers day
It is fathers day.
The first without my dad.
I use to hate those stupid fathers day and mothers day commercials in years past. This week I despised them.
It isn't that he is not with me anylonger. He always is, in memory and spirit.
Rather, it is the expectations that are thrown at me via Madison Avenue. I
f you don't get him this or that, you aren't a good child. Bullnuts.
My father was the biggest pain in my butt. He came from a dysfunctional family and did not know how to be any other way than he was. Insecure and smothering. But, he was also the most wonderful father a little child could have, because he was like a kid himself. He was a great father, uncle, great uncle, grandfather to my cousins etc when we were all little. Problem was he did not like it when we grew up. He wanted to protect us and we wanted freedom.
He provided dysfuntion for his children and none of us, my brothers and I, came away unscathed.
He has been gone now for over 7 months. It feels both like yesterday and eons ago. He and I formed a bond in his last year or two. He admitted he was not that good a parent and I admitted I was not that great of a child either. We had commonality though. We were of the same blood. We did a lot more joking and a lot less griping. It gave both of us peace.
After I had land Physical Therapy today, I went to swim laps. I tried to do what I normally do, block out everything from my head but my breathing. Today though, I though about my dad. One of the things he wanted from me was my success in losing weight with the Gastric Band. In his pain in the butt way he said "Don't blow it.", which meant "Don't give up". So, I did a half mile today. I was tired, I wanted to stop but in my head I said that every extra lap I do was for my father on fathers day. I am not blowing it. I am not giving up. I will succeed.
Happy Fathers day, Pop.
The first without my dad.
I use to hate those stupid fathers day and mothers day commercials in years past. This week I despised them.
It isn't that he is not with me anylonger. He always is, in memory and spirit.
Rather, it is the expectations that are thrown at me via Madison Avenue. I
f you don't get him this or that, you aren't a good child. Bullnuts.
My father was the biggest pain in my butt. He came from a dysfunctional family and did not know how to be any other way than he was. Insecure and smothering. But, he was also the most wonderful father a little child could have, because he was like a kid himself. He was a great father, uncle, great uncle, grandfather to my cousins etc when we were all little. Problem was he did not like it when we grew up. He wanted to protect us and we wanted freedom.
He provided dysfuntion for his children and none of us, my brothers and I, came away unscathed.
He has been gone now for over 7 months. It feels both like yesterday and eons ago. He and I formed a bond in his last year or two. He admitted he was not that good a parent and I admitted I was not that great of a child either. We had commonality though. We were of the same blood. We did a lot more joking and a lot less griping. It gave both of us peace.
After I had land Physical Therapy today, I went to swim laps. I tried to do what I normally do, block out everything from my head but my breathing. Today though, I though about my dad. One of the things he wanted from me was my success in losing weight with the Gastric Band. In his pain in the butt way he said "Don't blow it.", which meant "Don't give up". So, I did a half mile today. I was tired, I wanted to stop but in my head I said that every extra lap I do was for my father on fathers day. I am not blowing it. I am not giving up. I will succeed.
Happy Fathers day, Pop.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
And the party is over.
I got to finish my trip up so I can get back to writing live and in person.
So, dinner ended up being a smoked duck with fruit appitizer and then broiled Salmon with grilled vegis. Skipped the dessert.
Paula and Andrea were not in the dinner room so it was just me and the boys for dinner.
It is silly to say but I got a kick out of how nice the staff are. I also enjoyed the conversation with the meal.
At one point before dessert but after the meal, the waiters and waitresses, some of who are also dancers in the shows, got up on the tables and danced to disco music. Silly but fun.
I made Jose come to the main lobby (If I ever get my scanner working I will post pics), where the photographers take the $'s rip off pics and we took a pic in front of a fake ship. I had to have something to show for all my shameless flirting.
Then we stayed in the main lounge area talking. I found out that I am not at all use to verbal men. He is incredibly verbal.
Here is what I learned:
1. 54
2. twice divorced, the second time his wife left him for Smedly, a lesbian. Oy.
3. He has prostate issues. OY
4. He had a bad accident as a kid that made him sterile.
5. He works long hours, like 10-12 a day as an IT Supervisor.
6. Born and bred in NY but ancestry is PR.
7. Weight and cholesterol issues.
8. Believes in speaking up but not yelling at someone.
9. was in the airforce from 1972-1978.
10. learned to repair planes, then was told by his commander that computers were really the future. So he got the government to send him to school and worked for years at IBM.
11. Lived in Austin Texas a number of years
12. trained in the airforce at Biloxi, Miss.
I have known this guy 4 evenings and 1 day and know everything. From taste in food to women. I have know Mitchell forever and it took Andrea to come up with an idea for a gift for him. What the heck does that say about him.
But here is the difference, I may have enjoyed talking and goofing around with Jose, but in my waking heart I want Mitchell. I want to try new things with him. I want to be in the same bed as he, and feel his warm feet next to my cold ones.
Jose made me feel visible. Mitchell though, makes me feel accepted and alive.
My heart is gonna ache horribly if Mitchell isn't going to bring all this into a more permanent thing.
As for the photo, I bought them today, I can remember Jose; and just maybe make Mitchell a bit jealous also....Being a girl is really bringing out my devious side.
gotta food shop, I will complete this later.
*****************
Okay, lets get this ship a moving
June 3rd: I got up at around 7am, jumped into a bathing suit and skort, had a too large breakfast of omlete with onion and cheese, turkey sausage, and a spoonful of hash browns. Oh, and two strips of bacon.
Walked 3 miles from 8am to 9am.
Whirlpooled and steamroomed for a half hour or so.
Showered and dressed by 10am.
Spent too much money on gold over sterling silver. A dolphin ankle bracelet with matching arm bracelet. I got a bracelet for my friend Cathy's birthday and pearl earrings for my mom.
I peeked at my onboard bill...OUCH. Add that to what I spent on the islands.... OUCH times 2.
There will be three bingo games this afternon so I will spend about 30$ there.
Oh, yeah, this last days bingo, I didn't win cash, but in the losers raffle I won a bottle of Brut wine. Great. I don't drink it. I had fun though.
So, in 36 hours I will be home again. I feel a bit sad that while I miss my baby boy Jazzy, I am not unhappy that I had time away from him. I do really miss him. I can't wait for his kissing and not letting me out of his sight. However much fun he has had we both need to be paired up again.
What else?
I want to hear how moms visit with my bro/sis and nieces went. I worry so much about her. She loves and likes me and there are no conditions on it. I have only recently see that. Isn't it horrid to have to feel when you were growing up that you aren't sure if your mom likes you or not?
June 4th.
Nothing like coming back to cold rainy NY. In the cab coming home I happened to say, "wow, I feel like we were only gone a day" I had a fabulous time. I will definitely go back and take to the seas again.
If you all have the opportunity ever, to get on a ship (if you do get car sick, watch out on the ocean though), GO. And that folks is all they wrote on this one. Thanks for reading.
I have had a few things going on since I got back but that is for another time
. The sun is out and I need my daily fix.
Ta.
So, dinner ended up being a smoked duck with fruit appitizer and then broiled Salmon with grilled vegis. Skipped the dessert.
Paula and Andrea were not in the dinner room so it was just me and the boys for dinner.
It is silly to say but I got a kick out of how nice the staff are. I also enjoyed the conversation with the meal.
At one point before dessert but after the meal, the waiters and waitresses, some of who are also dancers in the shows, got up on the tables and danced to disco music. Silly but fun.
I made Jose come to the main lobby (If I ever get my scanner working I will post pics), where the photographers take the $'s rip off pics and we took a pic in front of a fake ship. I had to have something to show for all my shameless flirting.
Then we stayed in the main lounge area talking. I found out that I am not at all use to verbal men. He is incredibly verbal.
Here is what I learned:
1. 54
2. twice divorced, the second time his wife left him for Smedly, a lesbian. Oy.
3. He has prostate issues. OY
4. He had a bad accident as a kid that made him sterile.
5. He works long hours, like 10-12 a day as an IT Supervisor.
6. Born and bred in NY but ancestry is PR.
7. Weight and cholesterol issues.
8. Believes in speaking up but not yelling at someone.
9. was in the airforce from 1972-1978.
10. learned to repair planes, then was told by his commander that computers were really the future. So he got the government to send him to school and worked for years at IBM.
11. Lived in Austin Texas a number of years
12. trained in the airforce at Biloxi, Miss.
I have known this guy 4 evenings and 1 day and know everything. From taste in food to women. I have know Mitchell forever and it took Andrea to come up with an idea for a gift for him. What the heck does that say about him.
But here is the difference, I may have enjoyed talking and goofing around with Jose, but in my waking heart I want Mitchell. I want to try new things with him. I want to be in the same bed as he, and feel his warm feet next to my cold ones.
Jose made me feel visible. Mitchell though, makes me feel accepted and alive.
My heart is gonna ache horribly if Mitchell isn't going to bring all this into a more permanent thing.
As for the photo, I bought them today, I can remember Jose; and just maybe make Mitchell a bit jealous also....Being a girl is really bringing out my devious side.
gotta food shop, I will complete this later.
*****************
Okay, lets get this ship a moving
June 3rd: I got up at around 7am, jumped into a bathing suit and skort, had a too large breakfast of omlete with onion and cheese, turkey sausage, and a spoonful of hash browns. Oh, and two strips of bacon.
Walked 3 miles from 8am to 9am.
Whirlpooled and steamroomed for a half hour or so.
Showered and dressed by 10am.
Spent too much money on gold over sterling silver. A dolphin ankle bracelet with matching arm bracelet. I got a bracelet for my friend Cathy's birthday and pearl earrings for my mom.
I peeked at my onboard bill...OUCH. Add that to what I spent on the islands.... OUCH times 2.
There will be three bingo games this afternon so I will spend about 30$ there.
Oh, yeah, this last days bingo, I didn't win cash, but in the losers raffle I won a bottle of Brut wine. Great. I don't drink it. I had fun though.
So, in 36 hours I will be home again. I feel a bit sad that while I miss my baby boy Jazzy, I am not unhappy that I had time away from him. I do really miss him. I can't wait for his kissing and not letting me out of his sight. However much fun he has had we both need to be paired up again.
What else?
I want to hear how moms visit with my bro/sis and nieces went. I worry so much about her. She loves and likes me and there are no conditions on it. I have only recently see that. Isn't it horrid to have to feel when you were growing up that you aren't sure if your mom likes you or not?
June 4th.
Nothing like coming back to cold rainy NY. In the cab coming home I happened to say, "wow, I feel like we were only gone a day" I had a fabulous time. I will definitely go back and take to the seas again.
If you all have the opportunity ever, to get on a ship (if you do get car sick, watch out on the ocean though), GO. And that folks is all they wrote on this one. Thanks for reading.
I have had a few things going on since I got back but that is for another time
. The sun is out and I need my daily fix.
Ta.
Friday, June 15, 2007
The voyage continues
Okay, lets see how much I can write before I have to leave for PT.
May 31st:It is around 2pm and I am on some beach in St. Thomas.
What an amazing difference from Puerto Rico.
Heck, I am too tired to write. I am going snorkeling and then sit in the sun for a while.
10pm: Back to St Thomas.
What a clean island. We docked around 7am. It was so relaxing just watching as the island came into view. Yup, rainy and foggy but the green of the hill and mountains was worth every drop of rain on my head.
It was really really humid in the morning and we went shopping.
I bought myself a Topaz ring and necklace. I decided I wanted to have a legacy for my nieces, Annette and Ava. Not that I do not love what I bought, rather, well, my grandmother had her Jewish star that is now my moms and will eventually be mine and then to the girls. I want to leave something special for them. I have nothing of monetary value for them. I can only love them emotionally, with all my heart and soul. Now, that is wonderful, but long after I am gone I want them to have the gem and smile thinking about all the things I loved about them and that they loved about me.I supose that sounds shallow since I know they will always remember me anyway. But, right now, since I have no children, they are my legacy, and I love them so.
Anyway, I also bought two inexpensive silver rings. So far they must be sterling because no green has shown up around my finger.And I bought crap for everyone.We came back to the ship around noon. First off, humidity, no sugar, and being obese suck. Having PTC makes it even friggin worse. Thank goodness for Paula, who let me hold onto her walking back to the ship. I was having major issues with seeing and walking.
I was so close to not going to the beach in the PM cause I was so exhausted, but I rested a half hour, my head and eyes came back into focus and off we all went. It turned out to be great. Nice clean soft white sand underfoot. Light blue water. Rip off for the cost of a chair...Other than eating half a sandwich I brought with me from the ship, too fast, and a sip too much of a drink (which all came up quickly, thank you very much), I snorkeled and swam and sunned. What amazing fun.
I stayed in and played in the surf longer than I would up home (NY). I relaxed in the sun and browned up. I had sand in every crevice of my body and as I showered when we got back I remembered why I do not really care for swimming in the ocean. Bless the person who created soap.
Oh, I had a photo taken with a Rastafarian and a donkey. I am not sure who smelled worse, the guy or the donkey.
I learned something about myself today: I really am pretty but my clothing makes me look horrid.
I looked at myself in the mirror near the jewlery shop on the ship and saw a skirt that sat improperlly, a shirt that was too long for my frame, and a pair of clod hopper shoes tha did not match at all.
Fat, dumpy, ugly kept going thru my head and that was all I saw. It did not matter at all that my face and hair looked really pretty, or that I was doing things I have never done before. I felt like a failure. And I don't know why I cannot stop myself from denegrating my spirit. I am so lucky to be able to do what I do. I have worked so hard to get here. I know in my logic part how much I have accomplished but just a glance in a skewed mirror will crash me.
Good lord, Diane (my therapist) kick me out of this hole, will you?
Good morning ladies and Gentlemen, this is your cruise director....continuing May 31st.
I sat outside on the balcony under a full moon on a mostly clear night.
HEAVEN.
Figuratively and literally.
If I thought I felt insignificant as a small microbe on a small ship in a huge ball of water, then seeing aht glorious white moon, with her grinning face made me even smaller. Smaller in size and yet so fortunate to be able to experience the awe of seeing it all.
The happy moon, gazing down at this blue planet, seeing its tormentor, the Earth, who won't release her from her monthly orbit. And yet, gaily she sees us, me even, and allows me to watch her reflection in the black darkness of the waves.
How bad can life really be when I am witness to this beauty. This joy.
Tomorrow at 6am I will be getting up, waiving at Tortola and dreading the days adventure. "Swimming with dolphins". I feel like a Chum bucket. Blech. But, I will pet a dolphin and have it kiss me. I will even take a picture to make Jazzy jealous. hehe
Then, thank the god of ships, I have another 50 minute full body massage. My body will be thanking me by 3pm.
Finally a resizing of an ankle bracelet (yeah, tomboy me) that I bought. It is sterling silver with little pearls ands silver shells. It is really delicate and cute as anything. Jeez, I am such a girl.
June 1st:5:30pm: waiting on the dining room to open. The day turned out better than I thought it would. Swimming with the Dolphins, ours was named Electra, was okay. I love that I did it, ONCE, and now I never have to do this again. I swam, kissed petted. The price was a rip off, as waw the cost of pics and a DVD but, heck in for a penny, in for a pound.Electra was a sweet mammal, but well, since I don't know any other dolphins, I guess she is sweet.We left around 8am, got back close to 11am. I rested until almost noon, then went to lunch up on the Lido deck. I ended up eating Indian food with Jose. Pleasant. Actually, it was the most relaxing lunch I have had. No where to rush to or to follow someone elses schedule.
After lunch I went for the massage. Don't ask the cost... I am going to be so in debt I don't want to really tally it all up.
I came backk to the room, got changed and went to the slots. Now I know I must have lost about $200 total so far this trip but this afternoon I made back $80 of it. Made me smile inside.
Tonight's dinner is prime rib and I am going to savor it as much as I did the Indian food. No rushing.
I am also going to get another photo done of me. I did not like the one that the ships photogs did on the formal seating night.
I have on a peach shirt and blazer so I hope I look ok and can buy one.
I must attempt to sleep early. I want to be up early in the am to do a couple of miles on the ships deck before it gets too hot and humid. I like being on my own, doing what I want when I want it.
My life, my successes.
The singer in this lounge outside the dining room is singing Louie Armstrong's "What a wonderful world". In my eyes and heart tonight it certainly is.
Nice way to live, don't ya think?
time to get my hair cut and nails done. Again, jeez, I am such a girl.... more later
May 31st:It is around 2pm and I am on some beach in St. Thomas.
What an amazing difference from Puerto Rico.
Heck, I am too tired to write. I am going snorkeling and then sit in the sun for a while.
10pm: Back to St Thomas.
What a clean island. We docked around 7am. It was so relaxing just watching as the island came into view. Yup, rainy and foggy but the green of the hill and mountains was worth every drop of rain on my head.
It was really really humid in the morning and we went shopping.
I bought myself a Topaz ring and necklace. I decided I wanted to have a legacy for my nieces, Annette and Ava. Not that I do not love what I bought, rather, well, my grandmother had her Jewish star that is now my moms and will eventually be mine and then to the girls. I want to leave something special for them. I have nothing of monetary value for them. I can only love them emotionally, with all my heart and soul. Now, that is wonderful, but long after I am gone I want them to have the gem and smile thinking about all the things I loved about them and that they loved about me.I supose that sounds shallow since I know they will always remember me anyway. But, right now, since I have no children, they are my legacy, and I love them so.
Anyway, I also bought two inexpensive silver rings. So far they must be sterling because no green has shown up around my finger.And I bought crap for everyone.We came back to the ship around noon. First off, humidity, no sugar, and being obese suck. Having PTC makes it even friggin worse. Thank goodness for Paula, who let me hold onto her walking back to the ship. I was having major issues with seeing and walking.
I was so close to not going to the beach in the PM cause I was so exhausted, but I rested a half hour, my head and eyes came back into focus and off we all went. It turned out to be great. Nice clean soft white sand underfoot. Light blue water. Rip off for the cost of a chair...Other than eating half a sandwich I brought with me from the ship, too fast, and a sip too much of a drink (which all came up quickly, thank you very much), I snorkeled and swam and sunned. What amazing fun.
I stayed in and played in the surf longer than I would up home (NY). I relaxed in the sun and browned up. I had sand in every crevice of my body and as I showered when we got back I remembered why I do not really care for swimming in the ocean. Bless the person who created soap.
Oh, I had a photo taken with a Rastafarian and a donkey. I am not sure who smelled worse, the guy or the donkey.
I learned something about myself today: I really am pretty but my clothing makes me look horrid.
I looked at myself in the mirror near the jewlery shop on the ship and saw a skirt that sat improperlly, a shirt that was too long for my frame, and a pair of clod hopper shoes tha did not match at all.
Fat, dumpy, ugly kept going thru my head and that was all I saw. It did not matter at all that my face and hair looked really pretty, or that I was doing things I have never done before. I felt like a failure. And I don't know why I cannot stop myself from denegrating my spirit. I am so lucky to be able to do what I do. I have worked so hard to get here. I know in my logic part how much I have accomplished but just a glance in a skewed mirror will crash me.
Good lord, Diane (my therapist) kick me out of this hole, will you?
Good morning ladies and Gentlemen, this is your cruise director....continuing May 31st.
I sat outside on the balcony under a full moon on a mostly clear night.
HEAVEN.
Figuratively and literally.
If I thought I felt insignificant as a small microbe on a small ship in a huge ball of water, then seeing aht glorious white moon, with her grinning face made me even smaller. Smaller in size and yet so fortunate to be able to experience the awe of seeing it all.
The happy moon, gazing down at this blue planet, seeing its tormentor, the Earth, who won't release her from her monthly orbit. And yet, gaily she sees us, me even, and allows me to watch her reflection in the black darkness of the waves.
How bad can life really be when I am witness to this beauty. This joy.
Tomorrow at 6am I will be getting up, waiving at Tortola and dreading the days adventure. "Swimming with dolphins". I feel like a Chum bucket. Blech. But, I will pet a dolphin and have it kiss me. I will even take a picture to make Jazzy jealous. hehe
Then, thank the god of ships, I have another 50 minute full body massage. My body will be thanking me by 3pm.
Finally a resizing of an ankle bracelet (yeah, tomboy me) that I bought. It is sterling silver with little pearls ands silver shells. It is really delicate and cute as anything. Jeez, I am such a girl.
June 1st:5:30pm: waiting on the dining room to open. The day turned out better than I thought it would. Swimming with the Dolphins, ours was named Electra, was okay. I love that I did it, ONCE, and now I never have to do this again. I swam, kissed petted. The price was a rip off, as waw the cost of pics and a DVD but, heck in for a penny, in for a pound.Electra was a sweet mammal, but well, since I don't know any other dolphins, I guess she is sweet.We left around 8am, got back close to 11am. I rested until almost noon, then went to lunch up on the Lido deck. I ended up eating Indian food with Jose. Pleasant. Actually, it was the most relaxing lunch I have had. No where to rush to or to follow someone elses schedule.
After lunch I went for the massage. Don't ask the cost... I am going to be so in debt I don't want to really tally it all up.
I came backk to the room, got changed and went to the slots. Now I know I must have lost about $200 total so far this trip but this afternoon I made back $80 of it. Made me smile inside.
Tonight's dinner is prime rib and I am going to savor it as much as I did the Indian food. No rushing.
I am also going to get another photo done of me. I did not like the one that the ships photogs did on the formal seating night.
I have on a peach shirt and blazer so I hope I look ok and can buy one.
I must attempt to sleep early. I want to be up early in the am to do a couple of miles on the ships deck before it gets too hot and humid. I like being on my own, doing what I want when I want it.
My life, my successes.
The singer in this lounge outside the dining room is singing Louie Armstrong's "What a wonderful world". In my eyes and heart tonight it certainly is.
Nice way to live, don't ya think?
time to get my hair cut and nails done. Again, jeez, I am such a girl.... more later
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Back to the tales of crusing
okay Jazzy is finally tired out.
Back to the tales...
Last nights on board show was a hypnotist. BORING. I left when he made someone make out with an inflatible alien doll...
Tonight is a Juggling act/show. $1000 Bingo game also. This I will go play.
(Lost at Bingo. Better luck next time. I also lost money in the casino at the slots. I suck at this stuff. But it is fun)
By the way, San Juan is IMO a dump. We went on a city tour and then shopping. I bought a few things but nothing worth anything. Oh and I got lost in San Juan. I went off on my own and I ended up going left instead of right and missed the bus back to the ship.
Did you know, everything is in Spanish in San Juan?...
I was fine though because I knew where the ship was and walked the mile or so to it. I managed to make it back before that bus got there!! I enjoyed the walk and it was a nice adventure.
No, I will not do that again!
We left port around midnight.
I would not go back to Puerto Rico for anything.
Back to the tales...
Last nights on board show was a hypnotist. BORING. I left when he made someone make out with an inflatible alien doll...
Tonight is a Juggling act/show. $1000 Bingo game also. This I will go play.
(Lost at Bingo. Better luck next time. I also lost money in the casino at the slots. I suck at this stuff. But it is fun)
By the way, San Juan is IMO a dump. We went on a city tour and then shopping. I bought a few things but nothing worth anything. Oh and I got lost in San Juan. I went off on my own and I ended up going left instead of right and missed the bus back to the ship.
Did you know, everything is in Spanish in San Juan?...
I was fine though because I knew where the ship was and walked the mile or so to it. I managed to make it back before that bus got there!! I enjoyed the walk and it was a nice adventure.
No, I will not do that again!
We left port around midnight.
I would not go back to Puerto Rico for anything.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Cruising is the only way to travel!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 27th:
Standing at the bow of the Carnival Ship Miracle, waiting, watching, listening for the horn, for that first pull away from the dock, I was happy, calm. At peace. Wind blew my hair, sun warmed my skin.
My thoughts were only on one thing initally, "How far I have come from when I was a scared little girl".
May 30th:
About three hours out from San Juan, Puerto Rico.
I have a newfound respect for nature. So many have said it before, we call this planet Earth, but it truly is a planet of water.
It is humbling to stand on the rooms balcony at any time day, or night, and only see the cobalt blue, almost navy, ocean, that travels forever as the eye may see. (Which, I will admit, is not so far with my eyes. But I digress.)
And then, at days break the paler powdered blue sky and white clouds creep up on the sea.
The ocean right now is blue glass. It looks as if it were created by a master glass blowers breath and very being. Tiny white caps spring up as the ship cuts through, leaving tiny etchings through the glass.
At night, blackness without the moon. Reflections only from ship lights tell me that there truly is water around me. And then I look up at the sky, so different from home, stars lighting the heavens like candles on methuzelah's birthday cake. There are too many to count yet I feel like I know all of the individually.
There is a gentleness being on the ship. I get rocked to sleep like a baby in a cradle. It is calming side to side motion that leads me into my dreams.
I like this feeling.
I promised myself I would do all the things I have never done before.
So far I have gotten a full body massage. Once I got over the concept and was comfortable with the female masseur(sp?) I let go and afterwards walked so effortlessly, so lightly. No pill could ever have made my pains go away so well.
The cost was very high monetarily, get this $119. And I definitely got suckered into buying the oils and such that were used. But you know what? For what she did for my spine and neck I would have paid $500.
Needless to say, I made another appt. for after we get back from our excursions on Friday June 1st. Hehehe.
****
San Juan is the first place we dock. We, Paula, Andrea, and I, booked a short bus tour of old San Juan and tour of one of the old forts on the island. I had been deliberating what I wanted to buy Mitchell and Andrea gave me a great idea. I will get him some souvenier from the fort. Mitchell loves old war stuff and so I will take lots of pics and see if there is a book or two regarding the fort and San Juan.
***
Oh, just an aside. We sit at dinner with three single men. Felix is in his 70's and came on board to sleep. He likes going on cruises to get away from everyone. Bill is in his 50's and an accountant from California. He came on ship to eat and sleep. The third guy is Jose, an IT supervisor in NYC, who is 54. I sat next to him and we got to chatting. He was interesting and fun and it was neat that he too is watching what he is eating.
So, this morning I went up to breakfast around 8:30am and then decided to walk laps around the ship. 4 laps equal a mile. I ended up doing about 5 miles. Jose came out walking at about my mile 3 adn we ended up walking the ship together. We talked and kind of flirted with each other (Another thing I wanted to do on this trip). All in all it was a wonderful morning. I found out he was born in NY but his folks were from Puerto Rico. His mom moved back to San Juan about 5 years ago so he is going to her house for lunch.
****
Anyway, back to San Juan, Jose told me that most of the crap sold in San Juan is expensive and not worth wasting my $'s. So, unlesss there is a book about military and the forts I will wait to really shop when we get to St. Thomas.
wait jazzy wants to play
Standing at the bow of the Carnival Ship Miracle, waiting, watching, listening for the horn, for that first pull away from the dock, I was happy, calm. At peace. Wind blew my hair, sun warmed my skin.
My thoughts were only on one thing initally, "How far I have come from when I was a scared little girl".
May 30th:
About three hours out from San Juan, Puerto Rico.
I have a newfound respect for nature. So many have said it before, we call this planet Earth, but it truly is a planet of water.
It is humbling to stand on the rooms balcony at any time day, or night, and only see the cobalt blue, almost navy, ocean, that travels forever as the eye may see. (Which, I will admit, is not so far with my eyes. But I digress.)
And then, at days break the paler powdered blue sky and white clouds creep up on the sea.
The ocean right now is blue glass. It looks as if it were created by a master glass blowers breath and very being. Tiny white caps spring up as the ship cuts through, leaving tiny etchings through the glass.
At night, blackness without the moon. Reflections only from ship lights tell me that there truly is water around me. And then I look up at the sky, so different from home, stars lighting the heavens like candles on methuzelah's birthday cake. There are too many to count yet I feel like I know all of the individually.
There is a gentleness being on the ship. I get rocked to sleep like a baby in a cradle. It is calming side to side motion that leads me into my dreams.
I like this feeling.
I promised myself I would do all the things I have never done before.
So far I have gotten a full body massage. Once I got over the concept and was comfortable with the female masseur(sp?) I let go and afterwards walked so effortlessly, so lightly. No pill could ever have made my pains go away so well.
The cost was very high monetarily, get this $119. And I definitely got suckered into buying the oils and such that were used. But you know what? For what she did for my spine and neck I would have paid $500.
Needless to say, I made another appt. for after we get back from our excursions on Friday June 1st. Hehehe.
****
San Juan is the first place we dock. We, Paula, Andrea, and I, booked a short bus tour of old San Juan and tour of one of the old forts on the island. I had been deliberating what I wanted to buy Mitchell and Andrea gave me a great idea. I will get him some souvenier from the fort. Mitchell loves old war stuff and so I will take lots of pics and see if there is a book or two regarding the fort and San Juan.
***
Oh, just an aside. We sit at dinner with three single men. Felix is in his 70's and came on board to sleep. He likes going on cruises to get away from everyone. Bill is in his 50's and an accountant from California. He came on ship to eat and sleep. The third guy is Jose, an IT supervisor in NYC, who is 54. I sat next to him and we got to chatting. He was interesting and fun and it was neat that he too is watching what he is eating.
So, this morning I went up to breakfast around 8:30am and then decided to walk laps around the ship. 4 laps equal a mile. I ended up doing about 5 miles. Jose came out walking at about my mile 3 adn we ended up walking the ship together. We talked and kind of flirted with each other (Another thing I wanted to do on this trip). All in all it was a wonderful morning. I found out he was born in NY but his folks were from Puerto Rico. His mom moved back to San Juan about 5 years ago so he is going to her house for lunch.
****
Anyway, back to San Juan, Jose told me that most of the crap sold in San Juan is expensive and not worth wasting my $'s. So, unlesss there is a book about military and the forts I will wait to really shop when we get to St. Thomas.
wait jazzy wants to play
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Rainbow Bridge and a few quotes.
I believe I got this from a CK'er and I loved it so much I wanted to put it in my blog.
Rainbow Bridge (grab a Kleenex)
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... -
~Author Unknown
I love the idea. I grew up with a schnauzer named Roman who I loved so deeply that I still cry when I remember he was killed by a driver. I have my Jazzy, who will be with me hopefully for at least another 15 years. I will meet them both eventually at the Rainbow Bridge.
Here are some other quotes that I find inspiring to me.
"Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results." — James Allen: Author, As a Man Thinketh
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." — Albert Einstein, Genius
Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are. Soren Kierkegaard
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all. Soren Kierkegaard
Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown. Soren Kierkegaard
To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself. Soren Kierkegaard
Rainbow Bridge (grab a Kleenex)
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... -
~Author Unknown
I love the idea. I grew up with a schnauzer named Roman who I loved so deeply that I still cry when I remember he was killed by a driver. I have my Jazzy, who will be with me hopefully for at least another 15 years. I will meet them both eventually at the Rainbow Bridge.
Here are some other quotes that I find inspiring to me.
"Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results." — James Allen: Author, As a Man Thinketh
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them." — Albert Einstein, Genius
Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are. Soren Kierkegaard
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard
Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all. Soren Kierkegaard
Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown. Soren Kierkegaard
To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself. Soren Kierkegaard
Friday, May 25, 2007
VACATION TIME
Finally, just about 36 hours until I leave for my cruise.
I CAN'T WAIT.
Carnival ship Miracle.
Two days at sea
San Juan: going on a tour of the island for three hours
St. Thomas: Shopping in the AM, beach and snorkling in the PM
Tortola: don't know yet. I wanted to do some more snorkling but the shore excursion costs a lot of $$$
Two days at Sea.
I plan on doing everything I can. It is a wonderful new experience and I am so excited. I packed my bags, crammed in a ton of clothes and such into an expandable overnighter and a soft duffle bag.
Pictures and such when I return in June.
*****************
I am finally feeling better from the Spinal tap. Two days of post tap migraines is enough.
I have energy to burn. My eyes are not hurting and as a matter of fact, I actually had to use sunglasses today because my eyes were taking in and processing so much light. YIPPIE for Lumbar spinal taps. (yeah, right).
**********
Oh, get this, I was speaking with Mitchell the other day and out of the blue he announces that the tennants that he has in his house upstate will be moving out in June and then we can start going up on weekends...
Huh? When did it become we? Not that I mind. I like the house and the area is great for walking, but, Huh?
*****
Jazz is staying with Georgiana starting tomorrow and so is now making me play with him. So.
To all have a great two weeks.
Love ya guys
I CAN'T WAIT.
Carnival ship Miracle.
Two days at sea
San Juan: going on a tour of the island for three hours
St. Thomas: Shopping in the AM, beach and snorkling in the PM
Tortola: don't know yet. I wanted to do some more snorkling but the shore excursion costs a lot of $$$
Two days at Sea.
I plan on doing everything I can. It is a wonderful new experience and I am so excited. I packed my bags, crammed in a ton of clothes and such into an expandable overnighter and a soft duffle bag.
Pictures and such when I return in June.
*****************
I am finally feeling better from the Spinal tap. Two days of post tap migraines is enough.
I have energy to burn. My eyes are not hurting and as a matter of fact, I actually had to use sunglasses today because my eyes were taking in and processing so much light. YIPPIE for Lumbar spinal taps. (yeah, right).
**********
Oh, get this, I was speaking with Mitchell the other day and out of the blue he announces that the tennants that he has in his house upstate will be moving out in June and then we can start going up on weekends...
Huh? When did it become we? Not that I mind. I like the house and the area is great for walking, but, Huh?
*****
Jazz is staying with Georgiana starting tomorrow and so is now making me play with him. So.
To all have a great two weeks.
Love ya guys
Friday, May 18, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Advice
I broke my own rule on ck but I felt I needed to help
"Hi there,I am more comfortable Pm'ing than thread posting.
I hope you do not mind but I looked over your food diary a bit.
I wanted to see if I could get an idea of why you came back prediabetic.
I want to preface what I am writing by saying that I too came back pre diabetic over a year ago, but due to nutritional education, both thru my doc and on my own, I am no longer at risk of getting diabetes.
I have struggled for almost 40 years with weight and was in such a bad way physically, that instead of resigning myself to death by age 50 I had WLS and had the gastric band put in on Jan 24, 2006. I have dropped 66 pounds so far and am eternally grateful for modern medicine, but I do not wish it for anyone else unless there is no other way.
That said, here is what I noticed:
Your sugar content is too high. Yes, you are where CK wants you to be with carbs but too many are coming from your desserts: ie. the cold stone creamery stuff. This not only will kick up the sugars to unhealthy levels but it is probably a major contributer to your cholesterol levels that are showing on ck: ie 393 for the last week. Normal is around 100 to 150.
You can customize your food diary to show you how many sugars and cholesterol and sodium (which looks just right by the way) for each of the foods you enter. This is what I did and it helped me greatly to make better choices.
I would also try and add to your diet more and different types of fish and seafood.I discovered in the past two years: Tilapia or St. Peters Fish, Salmon (great for Omega 3's which help the body heal itself), Halibut (great but is expensive) Tuna Steak, as well as crab and clam meat, which I put with romaine lettuce and vegis, adding a squirt of real lime and lemon to.
I now have fish 4 times a week and maybe once a week red meat. I no longer eat a whole egg, rather I eat the whites and give my dog the yolk (dogs do not have cholestrol issues and the yolk is where all the cholesterol is) Stay away from fried fish and seafood though. Too high in fats and cholesterol.
Add more fresh fruits for the sugars and fresh vegis. These will help the body work better and ahem, clean out the system more efficently.
Finally, up the exercise a bit. Every day, increase by a minute or so. Get the heart pumping a bit. Break a sweat. This will get the metabolism moving.
I give this advice because this is what I have had to learn to do on my journey to health and joy.I hope it will help and know I mean it with care and concern for you.
Have a joyous day
Sandra
"Hi there,I am more comfortable Pm'ing than thread posting.
I hope you do not mind but I looked over your food diary a bit.
I wanted to see if I could get an idea of why you came back prediabetic.
I want to preface what I am writing by saying that I too came back pre diabetic over a year ago, but due to nutritional education, both thru my doc and on my own, I am no longer at risk of getting diabetes.
I have struggled for almost 40 years with weight and was in such a bad way physically, that instead of resigning myself to death by age 50 I had WLS and had the gastric band put in on Jan 24, 2006. I have dropped 66 pounds so far and am eternally grateful for modern medicine, but I do not wish it for anyone else unless there is no other way.
That said, here is what I noticed:
Your sugar content is too high. Yes, you are where CK wants you to be with carbs but too many are coming from your desserts: ie. the cold stone creamery stuff. This not only will kick up the sugars to unhealthy levels but it is probably a major contributer to your cholesterol levels that are showing on ck: ie 393 for the last week. Normal is around 100 to 150.
You can customize your food diary to show you how many sugars and cholesterol and sodium (which looks just right by the way) for each of the foods you enter. This is what I did and it helped me greatly to make better choices.
I would also try and add to your diet more and different types of fish and seafood.I discovered in the past two years: Tilapia or St. Peters Fish, Salmon (great for Omega 3's which help the body heal itself), Halibut (great but is expensive) Tuna Steak, as well as crab and clam meat, which I put with romaine lettuce and vegis, adding a squirt of real lime and lemon to.
I now have fish 4 times a week and maybe once a week red meat. I no longer eat a whole egg, rather I eat the whites and give my dog the yolk (dogs do not have cholestrol issues and the yolk is where all the cholesterol is) Stay away from fried fish and seafood though. Too high in fats and cholesterol.
Add more fresh fruits for the sugars and fresh vegis. These will help the body work better and ahem, clean out the system more efficently.
Finally, up the exercise a bit. Every day, increase by a minute or so. Get the heart pumping a bit. Break a sweat. This will get the metabolism moving.
I give this advice because this is what I have had to learn to do on my journey to health and joy.I hope it will help and know I mean it with care and concern for you.
Have a joyous day
Sandra
Pain redux
F'ing Ouch. I still have a week before my next spinal tap and I can't stand the waiting.
Migraines are worse than gunshots I believe. I am back taking Fueroset three times a day for the pains.
I wish I could live in water. Then my damned back would not hurt. I am so crippled today from the herniated disc I can't even stand up straight. I keep ice on it half the day and take the morphine the other half.
I am not sad, just so damn frustrated and angry at the uncertainties.
Pain just makes your life hell.
And my poor Jazz is such a sweetheart but I feel so angered that I can't run with him or like today, take him on a long walk. My aide took him out twice so he got the exercise but I want to be the one to do it.
After the tap though, two days of massive migraines and then free of pain for another two months. Well free of pain in my neck and head. My herniated disc, welll that is a crap shoot.
The therapy in the pool is wonderful and I am back to swimming twice a week, doing the PT and then laps. I am up to 16, almost back to a quarter mile.
If I did not have to get out of the pool, life would be easier. I get out and my left foot goes tingly and then numb. ARRGH!
Then, of course, I get really down on it all and binglet myself into coma with ice cream Low fat and low sugar, but dang, a quart goes down too easily. Well, not that easily, if the gastric band has its way, I will toss up half what I had.
Yuck, and yet, I did that last night alright.
**************
on a brighter note
My niece Annette turns 6 on the 18th. SIX! My goodness, she was just my little sweetheart with the chicken legs. Now she is going to be going into first grade in the fall. Time goes quickly.
Also, I got an Ipod and have been spending the past couple days loading my cd's onto it. I did not realize I had so much music. I can load 1000 songs, I am up to almost 700 already and I still have about 10 cd's left and four more I want to take out of the library.
My cruise is now 14 days away. I have all my clothes ready and drugs are set up. I got my passport and all I have to do is show up in Manhattan at 12th ave. and 55 th street at the pier with documents and luggage at hand. Its funny, someone who casually looked at my life would thing, "what the hell does she need a vacation for? She doesn't do anything that would need one." Hell, I work hard at dealing with my life. I am so emotionally exhausted from dealing with least of my doctors and illnesses, most of all with the damn government agencies. I long for my deck chair, ipod, book and fruity drink with umbrella sitting beside me. I want fantasy for 9 days. After that, I will be able to deal again with reality.
Jazz will be getting his summer shaving this week, along with yearly shots and such. He is little sweetie.
Well, time to take another pain pill. Oh, yeah, Wednesday I have an appt. with pain management doctors. Hopefully they will come up with something better than I am doing now.
Ta for now.
Migraines are worse than gunshots I believe. I am back taking Fueroset three times a day for the pains.
I wish I could live in water. Then my damned back would not hurt. I am so crippled today from the herniated disc I can't even stand up straight. I keep ice on it half the day and take the morphine the other half.
I am not sad, just so damn frustrated and angry at the uncertainties.
Pain just makes your life hell.
And my poor Jazz is such a sweetheart but I feel so angered that I can't run with him or like today, take him on a long walk. My aide took him out twice so he got the exercise but I want to be the one to do it.
After the tap though, two days of massive migraines and then free of pain for another two months. Well free of pain in my neck and head. My herniated disc, welll that is a crap shoot.
The therapy in the pool is wonderful and I am back to swimming twice a week, doing the PT and then laps. I am up to 16, almost back to a quarter mile.
If I did not have to get out of the pool, life would be easier. I get out and my left foot goes tingly and then numb. ARRGH!
Then, of course, I get really down on it all and binglet myself into coma with ice cream Low fat and low sugar, but dang, a quart goes down too easily. Well, not that easily, if the gastric band has its way, I will toss up half what I had.
Yuck, and yet, I did that last night alright.
**************
on a brighter note
My niece Annette turns 6 on the 18th. SIX! My goodness, she was just my little sweetheart with the chicken legs. Now she is going to be going into first grade in the fall. Time goes quickly.
Also, I got an Ipod and have been spending the past couple days loading my cd's onto it. I did not realize I had so much music. I can load 1000 songs, I am up to almost 700 already and I still have about 10 cd's left and four more I want to take out of the library.
My cruise is now 14 days away. I have all my clothes ready and drugs are set up. I got my passport and all I have to do is show up in Manhattan at 12th ave. and 55 th street at the pier with documents and luggage at hand. Its funny, someone who casually looked at my life would thing, "what the hell does she need a vacation for? She doesn't do anything that would need one." Hell, I work hard at dealing with my life. I am so emotionally exhausted from dealing with least of my doctors and illnesses, most of all with the damn government agencies. I long for my deck chair, ipod, book and fruity drink with umbrella sitting beside me. I want fantasy for 9 days. After that, I will be able to deal again with reality.
Jazz will be getting his summer shaving this week, along with yearly shots and such. He is little sweetie.
Well, time to take another pain pill. Oh, yeah, Wednesday I have an appt. with pain management doctors. Hopefully they will come up with something better than I am doing now.
Ta for now.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Keeping my life in kilter.
I have been organizing my things. Getting ready for the cruise. Making Dr. appts. Etc, etc.
On May 22 I will get my next Lumbar puncture. I am getting really use to it. 30 mg of valium and my favorite Radiologist. Three days of migraines afterwards and then off and running again for two months.
PT is going well. Jay, the physical therapist, has been working me very hard in the water. I end up with my shoulders aching afterwards. BUT... I can swim 10 laps without stopping now. Every day I am going to do a few more than the last day. I want to be back at a mile by Summer time.
While I am away my Mom is going to be down in Virginia helping out my SIL. My bro will be away in Israel giving a paper and lecture that week.
Jazz will stay with Georgiana and her boys for the 9 days. Jazz will be having a great time, he will have gotten his yearly rabis shot and tushy cleaning, (no I am not explaining that one), plus his summer cut.
So, life is level mostly.
I am losing weight.
I am taking care of my physical and mental/emotional being.
I am making sure that my mom is taken care of.
I am loving and caring for my Jazzy.
I love the way Mitchell smells.
I bought all new clothes in size 18.
I suppose I could ask for more in my life right now but I am happy for what I have and how I am living.
Every day I grow, harmony will eventually be obtained.
Not bad I say.
On May 22 I will get my next Lumbar puncture. I am getting really use to it. 30 mg of valium and my favorite Radiologist. Three days of migraines afterwards and then off and running again for two months.
PT is going well. Jay, the physical therapist, has been working me very hard in the water. I end up with my shoulders aching afterwards. BUT... I can swim 10 laps without stopping now. Every day I am going to do a few more than the last day. I want to be back at a mile by Summer time.
While I am away my Mom is going to be down in Virginia helping out my SIL. My bro will be away in Israel giving a paper and lecture that week.
Jazz will stay with Georgiana and her boys for the 9 days. Jazz will be having a great time, he will have gotten his yearly rabis shot and tushy cleaning, (no I am not explaining that one), plus his summer cut.
So, life is level mostly.
I am losing weight.
I am taking care of my physical and mental/emotional being.
I am making sure that my mom is taken care of.
I am loving and caring for my Jazzy.
I love the way Mitchell smells.
I bought all new clothes in size 18.
I suppose I could ask for more in my life right now but I am happy for what I have and how I am living.
Every day I grow, harmony will eventually be obtained.
Not bad I say.
Slowly.
Over the last week I have seen my scale creep in tenths of a pound a day downward. At first I wanted to throw the damn thing down 8 flights but now I am in a Zen mood with the scale. As long as it does not creep up then the machine and I are one....
I finally think I figured out one of the reasons I am attracted to Mitchell. His smell. It is hard to explain just what it is with his smell though. It just calms me down and makes me feel happy.
Go figure!
I finally think I figured out one of the reasons I am attracted to Mitchell. His smell. It is hard to explain just what it is with his smell though. It just calms me down and makes me feel happy.
Go figure!
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Just a funny!
***This one just came to me from my friend Paula, who has a warped sense of humor...
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of escherichia coli, (E.coli) bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
P.S. Some of you have obviously had far too much water!
I don't know, I just got a good giggle from it. ;)
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of escherichia coli, (E.coli) bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
P.S. Some of you have obviously had far too much water!
I don't know, I just got a good giggle from it. ;)
In the morning, in the evening, ain't we got fun...
Okay Business and Leisure first:
This is the ship I will be on for my cruise:
http://www.carnival.com/Ship_Detail.aspx?shipCode=MI
Here is the deck plan: Empress deck #6227 mid way of the ship:
http://www.carnival.com/Deck_Plan.aspx?shipCode=MI
This is an example of the state room, but we will have two twin beds with the couch/pullout
http://www.carnival.com/CMS/staterooms/stateroomdetail_MI_OB.aspx
This is the itinerary:
http://www.carnival.com/Itinerary.aspx?embkCode=NYC&itinCode=EC7&durDays=8&sailDate=5/27/2007&shipCode=MI&sailingID=41909&subRegionCode=CE&rateCode=BCA
The following are possible side trips I would take:
St Thomas Virgin Island
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=STT&excursionname=Downtown+Shopping+%26+Beach+Getaway&excursioncode=434034
Tortola:
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=Tortola+Sightseeing+%26+Cane+Bay&excursioncode=435011
possible
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=The+North+Shore+%26+Pusser%27s+Landing&excursioncode=435010
possible
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=Long+Bay+Beach+%26+Lunch&excursioncode=435015
major possible
San Juan
Nothing really excites me
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionsSearchResults.aspx?portcode=SJU&portname=San%20Juan,%20Puerto%20Rico
I am so excited.
This is the ship I will be on for my cruise:
http://www.carnival.com/Ship_Detail.aspx?shipCode=MI
Here is the deck plan: Empress deck #6227 mid way of the ship:
http://www.carnival.com/Deck_Plan.aspx?shipCode=MI
This is an example of the state room, but we will have two twin beds with the couch/pullout
http://www.carnival.com/CMS/staterooms/stateroomdetail_MI_OB.aspx
This is the itinerary:
http://www.carnival.com/Itinerary.aspx?embkCode=NYC&itinCode=EC7&durDays=8&sailDate=5/27/2007&shipCode=MI&sailingID=41909&subRegionCode=CE&rateCode=BCA
The following are possible side trips I would take:
St Thomas Virgin Island
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=STT&excursionname=Downtown+Shopping+%26+Beach+Getaway&excursioncode=434034
Tortola:
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=Tortola+Sightseeing+%26+Cane+Bay&excursioncode=435011
possible
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=The+North+Shore+%26+Pusser%27s+Landing&excursioncode=435010
possible
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionDetails.aspx?portcode=TOR&excursionname=Long+Bay+Beach+%26+Lunch&excursioncode=435015
major possible
San Juan
Nothing really excites me
http://www.carnival.com/ShoreExcursionsSearchResults.aspx?portcode=SJU&portname=San%20Juan,%20Puerto%20Rico
I am so excited.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sigh...
I am starting to get the headaches and dizziness again. I am beginning also to drag my left foot again and sort of trip with my right foot. No falling yet but I have the cane out just in case.
It has only been 7 weeks since my last spinal tap. I hate the thought that my body just won't resolve the Pseudotumor Cerebri like it did in 1997. I am okay with getting another tap before I go away at the end of May, but just the idea that the length of time between each one is getting shorter and shorter makes me a bit sad.
But, on the other hand, I get the tap about a week before the cruise and I will be fine for the whole trip. I can do as much as I want and not worry about anything.
So, deep Sigh, but also, a good outcome.
Enjoy your days.
S.
It has only been 7 weeks since my last spinal tap. I hate the thought that my body just won't resolve the Pseudotumor Cerebri like it did in 1997. I am okay with getting another tap before I go away at the end of May, but just the idea that the length of time between each one is getting shorter and shorter makes me a bit sad.
But, on the other hand, I get the tap about a week before the cruise and I will be fine for the whole trip. I can do as much as I want and not worry about anything.
So, deep Sigh, but also, a good outcome.
Enjoy your days.
S.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Negative Nellies begone from our lives!
Sorry,
Just have to rant abit.
I cannot understand at all the need to curse someone when you can keep your damn mouths shut.
I get really disgusted and PO'd(keeping it clean here, thank you very much) when someone responds with a personal attacks, when someone, who clearly needs a positive word, is crying their eyes out, complaining about how miserable the world is, and in general thinks that a choice made was the wrong one.
So, she smokes, so she thinks her way of dieting is the best way. Big F'ing deal. She asks for a response to help her feel good about a decision and while most respond with kindness, a few knock her to her A$$. (Well, trying to keep it clean now).
Hurrah for the few who stood up and said to the negative nellies "Give us a break." I wanted to be one of them. The most I could do was PM the author and let her know I would be there should she want to vent and get a better handle on things.
Ya can't change the world, but you can change your world.
Ah, I feel better now.
**************
Oh, yeah, I am going on a Carribean cruise over the week of Memorial Day, got an amazing rate with two friends for a Balcony suite on Carnival ship Miracle.
9 days/8 nights. Leave NY, two at sea, San Juan, Tortola, Virgin Island, two more at sea.
First cruise. Can't wait. I want a deck chair and a fruity drink with an umbrella in it and a good murder mystery to read....
Just have to rant abit.
I cannot understand at all the need to curse someone when you can keep your damn mouths shut.
I get really disgusted and PO'd(keeping it clean here, thank you very much) when someone responds with a personal attacks, when someone, who clearly needs a positive word, is crying their eyes out, complaining about how miserable the world is, and in general thinks that a choice made was the wrong one.
So, she smokes, so she thinks her way of dieting is the best way. Big F'ing deal. She asks for a response to help her feel good about a decision and while most respond with kindness, a few knock her to her A$$. (Well, trying to keep it clean now).
Hurrah for the few who stood up and said to the negative nellies "Give us a break." I wanted to be one of them. The most I could do was PM the author and let her know I would be there should she want to vent and get a better handle on things.
Ya can't change the world, but you can change your world.
Ah, I feel better now.
**************
Oh, yeah, I am going on a Carribean cruise over the week of Memorial Day, got an amazing rate with two friends for a Balcony suite on Carnival ship Miracle.
9 days/8 nights. Leave NY, two at sea, San Juan, Tortola, Virgin Island, two more at sea.
First cruise. Can't wait. I want a deck chair and a fruity drink with an umbrella in it and a good murder mystery to read....
Thursday, April 26, 2007
This one is for Sharon (Theoslady on CK)
"It is astonishing how short a time it takes for very wonderful things to happen." - Frances Burnett
"Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire." - Samuel Johnson
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other." - Mother Teresa
Almost every day Sharon posts the most wonderful quotes. I hold many of them dear to me.
Sharon, I think you are an amazing lady. What you do, who you are, is give of yourself to others in their most dire of need and or circumstances.
If I could give you anything in this world I would give you one peaceful, totally easy going day.
Since I can't do that, I can just thank you for all you do.
"Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire." - Samuel Johnson
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other." - Mother Teresa
Almost every day Sharon posts the most wonderful quotes. I hold many of them dear to me.
Sharon, I think you are an amazing lady. What you do, who you are, is give of yourself to others in their most dire of need and or circumstances.
If I could give you anything in this world I would give you one peaceful, totally easy going day.
Since I can't do that, I can just thank you for all you do.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Where is the frutstration icon when I need it?
I HATE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES!
I go out this morning with my friend Andrea to help her out and I come home to find out someone from Social Services had come to my Mom's apt to question if I actually live with her. No notice at all.
I am glad Georgiana was here to help my mom out. "Tiny" as everyone calls Georgiana is the aid who helped my dad out his last year of life and helps me and my mom now.
So, she gave the man what for and will be with me when he comes again. I have to call the guy after 2pm and set up an appt. I don't mind the appt. I just minded the no advance warning. Like the damn Social Services department expects me to lie like that.
Scuse me Momma Bess...
BUT FUCK THEM.
It stressed me out so much I had to go and take a valium, something I have not had to do in almost a month.
I really hate goverment crap....
But, the day is sunny and breezy and I have PT in the pool today.
It could be lots worse.
Love ya all,
Have a joyous day.
I go out this morning with my friend Andrea to help her out and I come home to find out someone from Social Services had come to my Mom's apt to question if I actually live with her. No notice at all.
I am glad Georgiana was here to help my mom out. "Tiny" as everyone calls Georgiana is the aid who helped my dad out his last year of life and helps me and my mom now.
So, she gave the man what for and will be with me when he comes again. I have to call the guy after 2pm and set up an appt. I don't mind the appt. I just minded the no advance warning. Like the damn Social Services department expects me to lie like that.
Scuse me Momma Bess...
BUT FUCK THEM.
It stressed me out so much I had to go and take a valium, something I have not had to do in almost a month.
I really hate goverment crap....
But, the day is sunny and breezy and I have PT in the pool today.
It could be lots worse.
Love ya all,
Have a joyous day.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Getting my ducks in a row.
Morphine sucks. I mean it really helps my back but it makes me nuts.
Anyhow,
I just sent Mitchell an email, which I should have done a week ago, again thanking him for a great time. I also reminded him that since the weather is getting nicer, he should come down in the evenings and we could go walking on the boardwalk or the beach.
Oh, yeah, other things!!
I am one step closer to getting full "temporary assistance" through NYS Social Services. I got a paper in the mail a few days ago stating that:
"Sandra has been determined to be exempt from participating in Temporary Assistance work activities effective April 20,2007 because according to medical evidence she is currently unable to work due to a medical issue."
Part one down. I sent a copy to my disability lawyer to see if it will help getting the SSDI any faster.
Then two days later I get a letter from Social Services to have my "Board Certified" Neurologist fill out another medical form. This one was 4 pages long. Same damn thing as the last one but more details. This one will cost me $35 for my neurologist to do. I will be billing Social Services for this one!
So, I took over the forms today and also called my neuro opthalmologist because his office still has not sent paper work over to my neuro.
I am truly getting tired of doctors, lawyers, government agencies, etc. Why am I still having to prove myself?
Every day though, no matter how frustrated I get, I am happy in my heart because I have people in my life that make sure I am taken care of. So many people do not have the support system that I have. Over the past year I have developed the habit of trying to help someone or other who asks me for my knowledge. I am glad to give back in someway.
Anyhow,
I just sent Mitchell an email, which I should have done a week ago, again thanking him for a great time. I also reminded him that since the weather is getting nicer, he should come down in the evenings and we could go walking on the boardwalk or the beach.
Oh, yeah, other things!!
I am one step closer to getting full "temporary assistance" through NYS Social Services. I got a paper in the mail a few days ago stating that:
"Sandra has been determined to be exempt from participating in Temporary Assistance work activities effective April 20,2007 because according to medical evidence she is currently unable to work due to a medical issue."
Part one down. I sent a copy to my disability lawyer to see if it will help getting the SSDI any faster.
Then two days later I get a letter from Social Services to have my "Board Certified" Neurologist fill out another medical form. This one was 4 pages long. Same damn thing as the last one but more details. This one will cost me $35 for my neurologist to do. I will be billing Social Services for this one!
So, I took over the forms today and also called my neuro opthalmologist because his office still has not sent paper work over to my neuro.
I am truly getting tired of doctors, lawyers, government agencies, etc. Why am I still having to prove myself?
Every day though, no matter how frustrated I get, I am happy in my heart because I have people in my life that make sure I am taken care of. So many people do not have the support system that I have. Over the past year I have developed the habit of trying to help someone or other who asks me for my knowledge. I am glad to give back in someway.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Trying to catch up
Sorry, long week.
1. Lets just say that having to take morphine for my back pain does not make blogging easier, it just makes me sillier.
2. Okay, Momma Bess: there aren't too many detail regarding Mitchell and the comedy club date. I still have a good feeling in my heart. It was so nice to be surprised by someone. I always decide on things or just go for the easiest thing. I was able to do something completely different this time and it was Mitchell who thought enough about me to set it all up.
More later...
1. Lets just say that having to take morphine for my back pain does not make blogging easier, it just makes me sillier.
2. Okay, Momma Bess: there aren't too many detail regarding Mitchell and the comedy club date. I still have a good feeling in my heart. It was so nice to be surprised by someone. I always decide on things or just go for the easiest thing. I was able to do something completely different this time and it was Mitchell who thought enough about me to set it all up.
More later...
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Finding Joy in every moment
Joy,
it is a very short word. Three little letters.
Strive for it every day. Joy makes life worthwhile.
Joy is infectious and should be spread around.
Joy. I love the word.
it is a very short word. Three little letters.
Strive for it every day. Joy makes life worthwhile.
Joy is infectious and should be spread around.
Joy. I love the word.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Pignot Grigio and comedy
I had myself a wonderful time with Mitchell.
He took me to a comedy club called "Govenors" in Levittown.
Don't ask me the comedians name, I don't remember it but he was funny! He does his own stand up and then uses ventriloquism dummies for the rest. "Walter" is one of his characters and if you watch Comedy Central you probably have seen the act.
It was fun, funny, relaxing and I have definitely discovered the wine Pignot Grigio. Nice wine and I have a really good buzz going.
The nicest part though was being able to tell Mitchell just how perfect the night turned out.
It was raining really really bad but we went anyway.
It was also the first time when I have said "I love that you thought of me and I love you." that the man actually said back something. "I appreciate that." Not much of a response but it meant quite a bit to me.
I will write more when I get a good night sleep.
He took me to a comedy club called "Govenors" in Levittown.
Don't ask me the comedians name, I don't remember it but he was funny! He does his own stand up and then uses ventriloquism dummies for the rest. "Walter" is one of his characters and if you watch Comedy Central you probably have seen the act.
It was fun, funny, relaxing and I have definitely discovered the wine Pignot Grigio. Nice wine and I have a really good buzz going.
The nicest part though was being able to tell Mitchell just how perfect the night turned out.
It was raining really really bad but we went anyway.
It was also the first time when I have said "I love that you thought of me and I love you." that the man actually said back something. "I appreciate that." Not much of a response but it meant quite a bit to me.
I will write more when I get a good night sleep.
Monday, April 02, 2007
vacation?
Off to Virginia.
Everyone please,Enjoy your particular holiday
Be safe, be happy, and above all else
Let the concept of Joy into your hearts.
Back in a few days.
Love Sandra
(aka: girl child, aka: little sis, aka the mother of Jazzy, aka: Big Sis)
Everyone please,Enjoy your particular holiday
Be safe, be happy, and above all else
Let the concept of Joy into your hearts.
Back in a few days.
Love Sandra
(aka: girl child, aka: little sis, aka the mother of Jazzy, aka: Big Sis)
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sigh
I will be, even though I am not so sure I want to, going down to my bro in Virginia for the week of Passover. Jazzy is being taken care of by a friend. I want to visit with my nieces, especially Ava, who is now almost 9 months old; go into DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival; and one or two museums, but I really don't care if I am around either of my brothers. Lately I just have been feeling like I do not exist to them.
I am going because I don't want my mom home April 4th, her wedding anniversary. I wish I could just put her on Amtrak and then come back here to Long Beach and crawl under the covers and ignore the entire week. Everyone is telling me I need to grieve more. Being with my family is going to be one big cry fest and I just don't want to be in the middle of it. I want to sit on the porch and listen to the ocean. I want to go downstairs to the apt's gym and just work out. I want to watch tons of videos and go to see a movie or two. I want to not make any decisions. I want a week to grieve in my own way, in my own time.
I just miss my dad...
********
I am tired. It has been one long friggin week. Wednesday I spent all day at Social Services in Uniondale sitting on my butt waiting to be called to have my application for Temporary Assistance and Food stamps. 9AM to 4pm.
Friday I had to go to Mineola, NUMC(Nassau University Medical Center or as I like to call it "Government bull shit Medical Center" to be deemed or not deemed unfit to work so I can get the Temporary Assistance and continue with the food stamps. Four hours there.
Today I had my triannual (?) defensive driving class and was sitting for another three hours.
I am tired, I am in pain, and my butt is so flat from all the damn sitting.
At least I have been using the gym downstairs. I use the bike and the work out ball for balance and crunches. I also, yesterday went for my first PT in the pool. I felt like a kid in a candy factory I was so happy to be back in the water again.
I did discover though that it will definitely be a while until I can swim laps again. My kicking back wards with my left leg is really difficult which means I would have a problem doing the crawl. Ah, well, all in good time.
So, to all, if I am going to Viriginia I wish a happy passover or/and a great easter.
Be back as soon as I can.
I am going because I don't want my mom home April 4th, her wedding anniversary. I wish I could just put her on Amtrak and then come back here to Long Beach and crawl under the covers and ignore the entire week. Everyone is telling me I need to grieve more. Being with my family is going to be one big cry fest and I just don't want to be in the middle of it. I want to sit on the porch and listen to the ocean. I want to go downstairs to the apt's gym and just work out. I want to watch tons of videos and go to see a movie or two. I want to not make any decisions. I want a week to grieve in my own way, in my own time.
I just miss my dad...
********
I am tired. It has been one long friggin week. Wednesday I spent all day at Social Services in Uniondale sitting on my butt waiting to be called to have my application for Temporary Assistance and Food stamps. 9AM to 4pm.
Friday I had to go to Mineola, NUMC(Nassau University Medical Center or as I like to call it "Government bull shit Medical Center" to be deemed or not deemed unfit to work so I can get the Temporary Assistance and continue with the food stamps. Four hours there.
Today I had my triannual (?) defensive driving class and was sitting for another three hours.
I am tired, I am in pain, and my butt is so flat from all the damn sitting.
At least I have been using the gym downstairs. I use the bike and the work out ball for balance and crunches. I also, yesterday went for my first PT in the pool. I felt like a kid in a candy factory I was so happy to be back in the water again.
I did discover though that it will definitely be a while until I can swim laps again. My kicking back wards with my left leg is really difficult which means I would have a problem doing the crawl. Ah, well, all in good time.
So, to all, if I am going to Viriginia I wish a happy passover or/and a great easter.
Be back as soon as I can.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Government agencies. Are they the devils work?
Government agencys suck. I know they are a necessary evil.
I spent 8 hours just to get a case opened so that I could get food stamps and emergency medicaid.
8 hours and now I have to go to one of the government doctors on Fridayat 9pm and then back to Social Services on April 10 for a final evaluation at 2pm.
Alright, at least I do have foodstamps now that will help me out with higher quality foods during each month.
I am exhausted.
I spent 8 hours just to get a case opened so that I could get food stamps and emergency medicaid.
8 hours and now I have to go to one of the government doctors on Fridayat 9pm and then back to Social Services on April 10 for a final evaluation at 2pm.
Alright, at least I do have foodstamps now that will help me out with higher quality foods during each month.
I am exhausted.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Perfect weather, a most wonderous day.
This is what a perfect day is. A walk on the boardwalk.A cuddle with Jazzy McShortie,
and a stroll through the city of Long Beach.
Sure beats the blues to a major pulp.
Sure beats the blues to a major pulp.
If you look really hard you can see NYC in the background.Friday, March 23, 2007
Life's outlook.
Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses. -- Allophones Karr
This quoted statement was posted on Sharons CK journal/blog. I think it is perfect. I needed it and am grateful to her for bringing it to me.
This quoted statement was posted on Sharons CK journal/blog. I think it is perfect. I needed it and am grateful to her for bringing it to me.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Extra! Extra! Get the update and continued story here!!!
So, when last we left our heroine, the train had hit the brick wall and pieces went flying all over the place.
I just was speechless. I managed to ask her when I was going to have my lumbar puncture. Her answer, "Oh, we decided to send you home and then you can come back in a few weeks as an out patient."
I said "That is completely unacceptable and just plain stupid. I have been sitting in this hospital for almost two weeks and you guys aren't going to do for me the one thing I KNOW will help me out?" I am so happy I did not have a stone to throw at her back as she left.
About 10 seconds later my friend Cathy called and I just lost it. COMPLETELY. I started crying and crying and all I wanted was someone to give me a very sharp razor blade or a bottle of narcotics. All the pain from all these 22 years of dealing with health issue came flooding into my head and heart and soul and I could not stop them.
Cathy said she was coming over.
A minute later my mom came in and I cried all over her and felt like nothing. I felt like a liar, a hypocondriac, a whiny baby, you name it I felt it and I was lower than ant poop.
I was so damn distraught my mom asked the head nurse to have the Psychiatrist who works in the hospital come and talk to me.
I let that idiot Physician Assistant get to me. I allowed one stupid person to negate every positive thing I had done over the years to live as well as I can with what I have.
Sooooooooo,
that was Monday afternoon. Monday later in the afternoon, my mom talked to my nurse and found out that the PA had scheduled the lumbar puncture for Tuesday morning. Course the PA never came back in to let me know this.
Tuesday, I got 20 miligrams of valium and the lumbar puncture. Valium helped me not look for sharp objects and the Radiologist was amazing with the puncture. I was just laying on my tummy under the floroscope chatting with the assistant and all of a sudden the doctors says "Okay, I'm in. Lets drain you." Just like that. No pain at all.
My spinal pressure was too high, higher than the last one in January, so he drained me until I was on the low normal side. I should be fine for about 3 months, hopefully.
I had to be on my back for 5 hours afterwards, I slept alot, got tylenol for the headaches you get after a spinal fluid drain and managed to keep myself on an even level.
Wednesday, I spent an hour and a half with the Psychiatric Liason, an MSW. Very nice lady.
I just opened up my mouth and words spewed out. Very cathartic. Things that I have never told even to my own therapist came out of my mouth. I cried, I ranted, I laughed, I talked.
By the end, all I was was tired. I was no longer lower than Ant poop.
But, I was exceptionally angry. (More later on what happened after I got home and spoke with the Neuro's office manager regarding that incident)
I came home Wednesday evening and my little boy, oh, goodness, I almost didn't recognize him, he looked so scruffy and furry. He was one long fur ball. He was so happy to see me and I, him.
It took three days for him to stop being attached to my hip.
My mom really did a great job with Jazz training wise. She kept up with his sit and stay commands and he is doing nicely with them. He even listens to me now much better. He is still puppyish in his playing, but he is learning not to jump on people now.
Man, did I miss my Shortie (his nick name when I do not use Jazz)
I am tired right now. I will continue again soon.
I just was speechless. I managed to ask her when I was going to have my lumbar puncture. Her answer, "Oh, we decided to send you home and then you can come back in a few weeks as an out patient."
I said "That is completely unacceptable and just plain stupid. I have been sitting in this hospital for almost two weeks and you guys aren't going to do for me the one thing I KNOW will help me out?" I am so happy I did not have a stone to throw at her back as she left.
About 10 seconds later my friend Cathy called and I just lost it. COMPLETELY. I started crying and crying and all I wanted was someone to give me a very sharp razor blade or a bottle of narcotics. All the pain from all these 22 years of dealing with health issue came flooding into my head and heart and soul and I could not stop them.
Cathy said she was coming over.
A minute later my mom came in and I cried all over her and felt like nothing. I felt like a liar, a hypocondriac, a whiny baby, you name it I felt it and I was lower than ant poop.
I was so damn distraught my mom asked the head nurse to have the Psychiatrist who works in the hospital come and talk to me.
I let that idiot Physician Assistant get to me. I allowed one stupid person to negate every positive thing I had done over the years to live as well as I can with what I have.
Sooooooooo,
that was Monday afternoon. Monday later in the afternoon, my mom talked to my nurse and found out that the PA had scheduled the lumbar puncture for Tuesday morning. Course the PA never came back in to let me know this.
Tuesday, I got 20 miligrams of valium and the lumbar puncture. Valium helped me not look for sharp objects and the Radiologist was amazing with the puncture. I was just laying on my tummy under the floroscope chatting with the assistant and all of a sudden the doctors says "Okay, I'm in. Lets drain you." Just like that. No pain at all.
My spinal pressure was too high, higher than the last one in January, so he drained me until I was on the low normal side. I should be fine for about 3 months, hopefully.
I had to be on my back for 5 hours afterwards, I slept alot, got tylenol for the headaches you get after a spinal fluid drain and managed to keep myself on an even level.
Wednesday, I spent an hour and a half with the Psychiatric Liason, an MSW. Very nice lady.
I just opened up my mouth and words spewed out. Very cathartic. Things that I have never told even to my own therapist came out of my mouth. I cried, I ranted, I laughed, I talked.
By the end, all I was was tired. I was no longer lower than Ant poop.
But, I was exceptionally angry. (More later on what happened after I got home and spoke with the Neuro's office manager regarding that incident)
I came home Wednesday evening and my little boy, oh, goodness, I almost didn't recognize him, he looked so scruffy and furry. He was one long fur ball. He was so happy to see me and I, him.
It took three days for him to stop being attached to my hip.
My mom really did a great job with Jazz training wise. She kept up with his sit and stay commands and he is doing nicely with them. He even listens to me now much better. He is still puppyish in his playing, but he is learning not to jump on people now.
Man, did I miss my Shortie (his nick name when I do not use Jazz)
I am tired right now. I will continue again soon.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Nothing like a Two week holiday, and this wasn't that.
Okay,
so where was I when we last left off? .....
Go to Neurologist,who first asks, 'why didn't you come in yesterday?'
Can you say "F--- you?"
He says go to emergency room. I beg for a few days. I had a date with Mitchell that night and was going to a dinner with friends and psychic readings that coming Tuesday. I promise I would go to ER on Wednesday morning.
Guess where I end up that afternoon?
I got every neurological test under the sun.
Lets see...
CAT scan
EKG
EEG
Echocardiogram
MRI with and without contrast
MRA
MRV
Lumbar MRI
TEE(Trans esophogeal echocardiogram: done through an endoscope and the tool (?) can get the heart from the bottom up. Used to see if there are any blood clots waiting to travel. All I can say is, good IV drugs to put you out.
Lumbar Spinal Tap.
About 10 different blood work ups.
Positives:
Food was pretty tasty during my stay.
Believe it or not they had a really great vegi burger.
I had low cholesterol/low sodium diet but I learned to use sweet coleslaw on things.
Really great nurses, aides, PT's and OT's.
I did not have a stroke.
Negatives:
My Neuro groups newest doctor and the Physician Assistant. Two people with no business being allowed near patients.
Being far away from my Jazzy. He was so lonely. He finally curled up to my mom which was great but I was lonely too. My mom would put me on speaker phone and I would talk to my boy. He must have gone nuts trying to find me . I always heard him racing around and barking.
Putting my friends through not knowing where I was. It took a few days to reach my in person friends and without my wonderful adopted Momma Bess, my cyber friends would have continued to worry.
Really Negatives:
"According to these reports, there is nothing neurologically wrong with you. It's all mental, due to stress."
Now read back, oh say up where I said something about a Physician Assistant who should not be allowed anywhere near patients...That was what she said to me after my last test but before my lumbar spinal tap. I do have a herniated disc L4/L5 (which I already knew). But "All these reports say that it is not impinging on a nerve so that it wouldn't be causing you to not be able to walk without a walker".
AH, excuse me? So, you are basically saying that all my pain, herniated lumbar disc and headaches, and slurred words, weak left side, and all the shit I have been dealing with over the last year and a half is all in my(excuse the bad pun here people) head?
Ever see yourself as a train just as you are slamming straight into a brick wall.
Splat, then BOOM, pieces of me all over the place.
I am going to publish this now, I will continue when I get the rest of my "Head" together... ;)
so where was I when we last left off? .....
Go to Neurologist,who first asks, 'why didn't you come in yesterday?'
Can you say "F--- you?"
He says go to emergency room. I beg for a few days. I had a date with Mitchell that night and was going to a dinner with friends and psychic readings that coming Tuesday. I promise I would go to ER on Wednesday morning.
Guess where I end up that afternoon?
I got every neurological test under the sun.
Lets see...
CAT scan
EKG
EEG
Echocardiogram
MRI with and without contrast
MRA
MRV
Lumbar MRI
TEE(Trans esophogeal echocardiogram: done through an endoscope and the tool (?) can get the heart from the bottom up. Used to see if there are any blood clots waiting to travel. All I can say is, good IV drugs to put you out.
Lumbar Spinal Tap.
About 10 different blood work ups.
Positives:
Food was pretty tasty during my stay.
Believe it or not they had a really great vegi burger.
I had low cholesterol/low sodium diet but I learned to use sweet coleslaw on things.
Really great nurses, aides, PT's and OT's.
I did not have a stroke.
Negatives:
My Neuro groups newest doctor and the Physician Assistant. Two people with no business being allowed near patients.
Being far away from my Jazzy. He was so lonely. He finally curled up to my mom which was great but I was lonely too. My mom would put me on speaker phone and I would talk to my boy. He must have gone nuts trying to find me . I always heard him racing around and barking.
Putting my friends through not knowing where I was. It took a few days to reach my in person friends and without my wonderful adopted Momma Bess, my cyber friends would have continued to worry.
Really Negatives:
"According to these reports, there is nothing neurologically wrong with you. It's all mental, due to stress."
Now read back, oh say up where I said something about a Physician Assistant who should not be allowed anywhere near patients...That was what she said to me after my last test but before my lumbar spinal tap. I do have a herniated disc L4/L5 (which I already knew). But "All these reports say that it is not impinging on a nerve so that it wouldn't be causing you to not be able to walk without a walker".
AH, excuse me? So, you are basically saying that all my pain, herniated lumbar disc and headaches, and slurred words, weak left side, and all the shit I have been dealing with over the last year and a half is all in my(excuse the bad pun here people) head?
Ever see yourself as a train just as you are slamming straight into a brick wall.
Splat, then BOOM, pieces of me all over the place.
I am going to publish this now, I will continue when I get the rest of my "Head" together... ;)
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Two steps forward, one step back
Tired. Headache. Can't speak the right words.
Left side weak.
PT won't let me do any exercises. Lets me call the Neurology office as an emergency
"No, ma'am, we don't consider this an emergency, the doctor is booked full. He can see you tomorrow at 10am. If you feel worse we suggest you go to the emergency room."
Too tired to argue. Mom argues. We come home and I take my pills like a good little girl and hope tomorrow is better.
No self pity. Just a statement from South Parks Cartman: "Fuck you guys, I'm going home."
I was doing so well. Two steps forward, one step back....
Night all.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Hmmm, what title should I use?
Sometimes it is really nice to have a good day.
I am having a really great food day today. I even have calories for a homemade blackberry smoothie for dessert tonight.
I took a 20 minute walk with Jazzy, all the hoopla (like that word?) of the impending Snow storm fell way short. Cars have a dusting roads and sidewalks are fine.
I then went downstairs to the apt gym and did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. I ended up doing 9.2 miles. I set the machine to random and level 6. My butt is sore but I did it.
Tonight I am going to try an ounce of Salmon. The last time, at least 25 years ago, I had a piece I had an asthma attack. I am making grilled Salmon for my mom and just will taste it. If all goes well, I can incorporate that into my diet.
I am now eating some sort of fish at least 3 days per week. Two days per week is Chicken. Two days a week I eat red meat. I usually have soups for lunches, along with my protein drink.
Breakfast is oatmeal, low fat cottage cheese with a fruit cup, a bowl of Crispix, or eggs.
I weighed in today at 256.6. Now that I am back to mushies/real food, I have to really keep track of foods.
Desserts are hard. I love my generic vanilla, no sugar added, low fat ice cream each night. I am trying to remember apple sauce or just an apple but even with that, I still feel the need to give my inner 3 year old some fun.
46 days till next fill and official weigh in.
Doing, not trying.
I am having a really great food day today. I even have calories for a homemade blackberry smoothie for dessert tonight.
I took a 20 minute walk with Jazzy, all the hoopla (like that word?) of the impending Snow storm fell way short. Cars have a dusting roads and sidewalks are fine.
I then went downstairs to the apt gym and did 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. I ended up doing 9.2 miles. I set the machine to random and level 6. My butt is sore but I did it.
Tonight I am going to try an ounce of Salmon. The last time, at least 25 years ago, I had a piece I had an asthma attack. I am making grilled Salmon for my mom and just will taste it. If all goes well, I can incorporate that into my diet.
I am now eating some sort of fish at least 3 days per week. Two days per week is Chicken. Two days a week I eat red meat. I usually have soups for lunches, along with my protein drink.
Breakfast is oatmeal, low fat cottage cheese with a fruit cup, a bowl of Crispix, or eggs.
I weighed in today at 256.6. Now that I am back to mushies/real food, I have to really keep track of foods.
Desserts are hard. I love my generic vanilla, no sugar added, low fat ice cream each night. I am trying to remember apple sauce or just an apple but even with that, I still feel the need to give my inner 3 year old some fun.
46 days till next fill and official weigh in.
Doing, not trying.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Weigh in time
Okay, so I need to keep away from junk food.
I was back at 260.5 last month when I got weighed in at the Bariatric center.
Yesterday I weighed in at 259.5. I will gladly be happy that I lost a pound.
Got another .25 cc's put into the band and am now back up to 4.00 cc's of saline fill.
Liquids till Sunday afternoon, then mushies till Tuesday morning.
I got up and weighed myself here at home: down to 258.4. Amazing what you can lose when all you have is chicken soup and protein water with OJ mixed in.
I have made a promise to myself that for the next 49 days, which is the time period until my next official weigh in, I am going to consciously remember why I had this band put in, and comply with the banding rules. Protein first, chew chew chew, drink your water, exercise as much as you are able, and realize when you are "hungry" and not "head hungry"
Do, not try. Do.
Oy.
I was back at 260.5 last month when I got weighed in at the Bariatric center.
Yesterday I weighed in at 259.5. I will gladly be happy that I lost a pound.
Got another .25 cc's put into the band and am now back up to 4.00 cc's of saline fill.
Liquids till Sunday afternoon, then mushies till Tuesday morning.
I got up and weighed myself here at home: down to 258.4. Amazing what you can lose when all you have is chicken soup and protein water with OJ mixed in.
I have made a promise to myself that for the next 49 days, which is the time period until my next official weigh in, I am going to consciously remember why I had this band put in, and comply with the banding rules. Protein first, chew chew chew, drink your water, exercise as much as you are able, and realize when you are "hungry" and not "head hungry"
Do, not try. Do.
Oy.
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