Off site honesty

Okay,
Here is what I am trying to figure out. If I eat 8 slices of Pizza (insert your favorite food please) it is because:

Mother was mean to me
Father did not let me date at age 16
Siblings were bullies
People do not like me
I was told by my boss that he did not like my work
My coworker is an idiot
Life is not fair
Little league put me in the outfield
My children are rude
My husband bought those darn things into the house
I have no time to eat healthy food
I have no time for myself
I have no time to cook

Okay you get the idea.

Now, with the exception of being molested or tortured in some way as a child, which is a really good reason to want to escape somehow…

Here is the reality: I eat them because they taste wonderful. I eat them so to the point of turning off all logic and keep going. I eat them so that I do not have to confront the fact that I am doing something destructive to myself. I choose this pathway.

In MY life, I have had to deal with Dyslexia, Allergies, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, bullies, dysfunctional parents and brothers, month long Bronchitis every year as a kid that kept me out of school, thoughts of suicide, minor attempts of suicide, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Crohns disease, 10 major surgeries, 24 minor procedures that required at the least sedatives or local anesthesia, Cardiac Arrest, Respiratory Arrest, HBP, Hypothyroid, Apnea in which I still have not recovered some brain function due to it, temporary blindness due to Pseudotumor Cerebri, narrowing of my field of vision from unknown illnesses, Syncope…. Etc.

I ate the slices of pizza because they taste good. I chose eating them in the past because when nothing else was under my control the decision to eat was. I could just have easily decided to stop eating all together and become Anorexic. I could have become Bulimic, but I do not throw up easily. I could have taken a gun and blew my brains out. For a while as a teenager I chose to take a lot of recreational drugs. But, for the most part food gave me the most pleasure. I have had a ton of mental therapy. And you know what, Life isn’t fair. Shit happens. Deal with it. Food still gives me the most pleasure. I just have stopped letting it run my life.

I have the gastric band. It is my tool to help me stop using food as my only pleasure. It reminds me to explore other options in enjoying life. Eating may always be my favorite thing to do. I am now just choosing to try out other things.

Just my opinion. Yours may vary.