Discovering Passion

I remember when I was a Junior in High School, I, along with every other one of my class, were asked what they wanted to study in college. Seems like my graduating year (1980) class all wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or Lesbians/Homosexuals (no offence meant at all, my class of 608 people had a huge varied of differently oriented people).

I completely believed I wanted to be a writer or at the least an English Teacher. Writing always satisfied my heart and soul. As a teenager I needed to write. It helped get the mental toxins out of my system. So, I went to college as an English major. I had placed out of freshman English by taking the AP exam. So I was able to take sophomore english classes.

Then I hit Chaucer, in the original English and said, nope, not going to pass this class. So, I took Communication 101. It was a film/TV/debate class. I had a great professor and in the middle of 150 students I found myself knowing that I could still be a writer but also could be a visual communicator, ie: director.

I loved Film, I loved Television production. I learned most not in class but by volunteering at the radio station/tv station etc on campus.

I adored it, but looking back now, oh, 24 or so years ago, I don't remember if I had a passion for it.

I did graduate work and worked on a news show as a writer, director, editor etc. I enjoyed that.
I worked for six years producing/directing/writing local cable television shows. Live and taped. It stessed me out but I enjoyed most of it.

I got sick and lost what I enjoyed.

I was a customer service representative for 5 years. I was damn good at it. I had no love at all for it but the company was very good to me while I was sick.

I attempted to teach and help representatives become damn good at the job they did. I hated mine, I was not able to convey lies to them. Being a CSR sucks. You come away at the end of a day feeling like shit. You are yelled at by everyone and you have no autonomy. I learned that huge corporations can be very very stupid. I learned though how to be nice to people because being nice to people for the most part makes that person feel like a worthy human being.

I thought I had a passion when I was a paralegal. I was wrong. It was an interesting education and I learned alot but I did not love it.

On CK, Lorimak, and I thank her for this one, started a thread that got me to thinking and that began hurting my brain ;):

"Are you where you thought you'd be in life?"

When I was a teenager I just wanted to be thin, happy, married, and be a successful writer.

When I was in my twenties I wanted to be thin, happy, married and be a successful Producer/Director/writer

When I was in my thirties I wanted to be thin, happy, dating, and find work that did not make me insane.

I am in my mid fourties now. I want to be thinner, happier, dating, and work towards a Counseling degree.

I never before, except when I was a teenager and a writer, have felt like I have a passion inside of me.

So, am I where I thought I would be at this point in my life? Absolutely not.

Would I want to go back and live it over again, knowing what I know now? Probably not. I was a stubborn person, I would have made the same mistakes.

Life is a journey, a long, winding pathway that changes sometimes daily. I am currently exploring a new path. It will be interesting to see where it leads.