Fuck it.

I swear, just when ya think life is leaving you alone for a while.

Okay, long story.

Tuesday morning I get up, call the neurologist and have to leave a message. "Oh, he won't be in until Thursday. We will get Dr. K. to call you back. When are you going to be in?" Now you idiots.... "Until noon when I have to leave to go to my gastroenterology appt, then after 3pm" "he will call you after three" Fine whatever.

I get into my car, go to my Gastro doc who, by the way is happy with my last upper gi series but is not happy with my neurological issues. Life's a bitch, doc, what cha gonna do?

I get into my car. My back is killing me and so I make damn sure I am belted in and driving too slow for most people on the northeastern seaboard. I wait for a red light to turn green so I can turn left. I am first in line, clear sight across the street, no cars coming at me. Light turns green, I purposely wait because I do not want to jack rabbit and hurt my back. I am clear all ways, and that folks is how they say, is that. I begin turning left and all of a sudden a kid on a bike is going across the street I am turning on and I end up plowing right into him. I jammed on my breaks, the kid thank goodness is wearing a helmet properly and he falls away from my car. My first thought is WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH JUST HAPPENED? I still see this dumb fucking 14 year old kid falling in front of me. I jammed my car into park and do not know how I did it but got out and literally dragged his ass out of the middle of on coming traffic (of which three cars did not even think about stopping) He already was up and saying he was fine. He said his mom was going to kill him and he just wanted to go home. I told him that if he moved one foot from me I would kill him.

There were 6 different witnesses telling me I was not to blame as was the kid saying it. I didn't care, this kid could have been killed by two tons of car. Right at the moment I am still shaking.

Anyway, once the kid is fine, bike is not bad, I lost it. Two of the witnessess took me by the arms and helped me back to my car. I began shaking and could not stop. I could not make myself move my car. Instead they asked another witness to move my car and helped me to the sidewalk where I stood for two seconds and then promptly sat my self down on the corner and almost passed out. I did not know it then but from jamming on the brakes and then getting out of the car, I wrenched my neck and back. The witnesses who hung around were wonderful. They called 911 and made sure the police got the kids name and info as well as their info. They called an ambulance and while the kid went home I ended up in the ER in a neck brace and a butt full of morphine for pain for 10 hours. My x rays showed possible damage to my C1-3 spine and problems with my lower lumbar spinal. I went for a CAT which said that nothing was fractured or broke but I do have "Disc disease". I could have sworn the ER doc also said "Degenerative" but my mom says no. Maybe the doc just meant my demeanor.... The ER doc said there are narrow spots along my spinal column and I will need an MRI to determine exactly where and what damage is going on. SO I was realeased with good drugs that unfortunately I reacted badly too after awhile, dry heaves for three hours. People, I think I am going to quit everything for a short while. I cannot face my car. Just thinking of starting the engine is making me nervous. My neck hurts to move any way at all. My eyes are better off looking straight ahead.

And my dog pooped all over his butt yesterday and I have to get dried poop off of him.

Now, I apologize to anyone who does believe in god.

I was agnostic. Now I just hate that higher power. He/she/it/they/ whatever has to exist and I am just really really pissed off. I am not Job, I have no boils on my butt at the moment but after being sick with one thing or another for over 25 years and every time I think I am making headway, something drags me down, I can't forgive and forget any longer. As for the boy, I hope his mother first hugged him closely and then beat the living tar out of him for being so fucking reckless. I will say this, I am grateful that I had to have an xray of my spine and an ER doc with a good eye.

This was last night.
Today my neurologist called me and did use the words "Degenerative disc disease" but nothing big time. Yet.

Now I just need to stop throwing up and being in pain.

One step ahead, two steps back....