Medical Tests and Really good drugs

First off, let me just say this:
SPINAL TAPS FUCKING HURT LIKE HELL!

Ah, that done, Intra muscular valium is a nice nice drug but does not stop the pain. It just kept me from throwing a hissy fit when the needle went in.
It took about an hour, thirty to get the damn needle into my spine properly and thirty to get the pressure from a whopping 300 down to 70.
Normal is between 60 and 180. I was flat on my stomach under fluroscope for the test and then rolled to be flat on my back for five hours afterwards. Percoset is a nice drug. I came home and slept at my folks. I woke up with a massive headache. I could not stand up at all without someone holding me. I called the neurologist who said I needed to stay on my back for the rest of the weekend.

Just remember folks. SPINAL TAPS FUCKING SUCK.

Reality

Lease is signed.
Management has been told. I held my tongue and was nice.
My folks and I will be getting our security deposit back.

Next up:
Lumbar puncture. Gonna be taking lots and lots of valium today, tomorrow and Friday (IV on Friday)

Unofficially I have now lost a total of................60 pounds since December 2005. I am shooting for another 20 by December 31,2006.

Reality, what a concept.


One last thing:
"Eat to live, do not live to eat."

More people need to get a grip on this concept.

New digs

Today at 4 pm we sign a one year lease on the apt in Long Beach.
December 15 or so we move in. December 20th I plan on having my nervous breakdown.
I am dealing with elderly parents, two brothers, my own medical issues and a needy puppy.
Can I just suck my thumb and eat ice cream all I want?....

Relationships

I believe I took my first step into the world of relationships with one statement...

"I am moving in with my folks for a year in Long Beach."

"What happens after a year?"

"After a year, since I have noone begging me to stay, I will probably move down to Virginia to be near my nieces."

Dead silence at that point...

Short of saying, well are you going to get serious about me, I believe he got the message...

Finally.

Todays Horoscope

Cancer
If you get too fixated on results, you could lose all sense of joy and inspiration. Stop being so practical and focus on the journey, not the destination. After all, without a sense of joy, the results are worthless.

A bit emotional at the moment

I got a call from my neurologist and he wants me to move up the spinal tap. So now it is scheduled for Sept 29th.

TERRIFIED!!!! That's me.

I have to call up Social Security and reschedule a phone interview for SSI. It was to be on the 29th.

Today was not a good day balance wise. The dizziness and feeling off balance would not go away and my eyes seem to be taking the brunt of it. This may look normal size writing but I am actually typing it with a very large font.

There is a part of me that hopes that my spinal fluid level is too high and after they take the excess out I will do better for a time. The other part of me hopes the levels are normal. I do not want to face a life of spinal taps every six months or so to keep levels proper.
I can't get a shunt in the chest due to asthma (shunt would normally go from brain to chest area where the excess is absorbed and then naturally gotten rid of, too easy to get an infection) and I can't get a shunt in the stomach area because of the Crohns disease (too easy for infections to start).
If the levels are normal then my neurologist is going to scratch his head and probably retest me for everything under the sun. My mom and I are whispering the initials MS. This time I am not going to put the cart before the horse. I don't want MS.

Long Beach, here we come!!!!!!!!!

Just waiting for the lease so my mom can sign it and we are good to go by Dec 15th.

Life just got a whole lot easier and a whole lot more complicated at the same time.

One year, just one year living with my folks. Then reassess.

The horse must have been pushing the cart...

Putting the cart before the horse

That is what my mom says I do all the time. I think things out to their conclusions and have every duck in a row before things actually happen. This is why I get my butt kicked all over when things do not go the way I envisioned them.

Well, I have to say, even though my butt may be kicked, so far so good regarding the apt.
My mom would be the name on the lease and her credit rating is and I quote the agent "Spectacular". The agent faxed over all the info to the condo owners agent and thinks we should hear something today.

My "cart" is definitely in front of the "horse" with this one. I so want it to be a done deal so that I can tell the management company of where I live right now to go fuck themselves.

I was thinking this morning while I was walking Jazzy that once in the apt, after a nice long walk, Jazz and I could come back to the apt and hang out on the balcony.'

Once, just once, let this cart go first...

If we could just turn the gallons into crude oil...

I was over at CK just reading blogs and Jennie(Scaleho) wrote something that was fun:

I just read something that helps me visualize the loss of fat. I read on *cough* another website that a gallon jug holds six pounds of fat. I love that I can picture my 12 lbs. lost as TWO gallon jugs of jiggly yellow crud. Lovely!

I have now lost 56 pounds. That is a bit over 9 gallon jugs of oily gross fat. If I could just turn that into gasoline, I could fill my car up to three quarters full.

Interesting visualization. I don't know if you read this Jennie, but thanks for the idea! :)

And now, something completely serious

I spoke to my Neurologist yesterday. He is not happy that my dizziness is not improving with the PT. He wants me to get a spinal tap done.
Now, if I ever wanted to throw a tantrum, crawl into a ball, suck my thumb and wet my panties, it would have been exactly the time he said "Spinal Tap".

And it is not the pseudo rock group....

I have had to have 5 taps done in the past 15 years. From the first one I found I get frantic and cannot deal with it. I mean CANNOT DEAL WITH IT.
#4 I almost kicked my then neurologist in the nuts it hurt so much.

#5 I had to be given IV light sedation and have it done under floroscope. I still wimpered and cried and according to the radiologist, cursed the day he was born.

So, #6 will be the middle of October.

SHIT.

6th fill is a winner

I went in on Friday for my 6th fill of my gastric band. We got a keeper. I have to be on liquids till tomorrow night but even with soup I can only down about 8 ounces before I am full. Can't wait to see how I do back on food.

Weighed in 2 pounds less than last month. Not much, but it was still a scale loss.

just a giggle

A compliment


A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." He never heard the shot....

Walk from Obesity tomorrow

I promised to do this NYC walk tomorrow. Just two miles but I have to catch the bus around 7am. Yuck!!!

I am really not a joiner but I figured that a nice walk around Riverside park with about a 1000 other people is something to do.
It is suppose to be nice out and I have no excuse not to do this.
It will be interesting walking with other WLS people. Pre op's, post ops, very post ops...

And, I get tee shirts. 18/20's :) see below...

Clothing sizes

So, I have coupons for Lane Bryant. I need new bras. I go to LB. I get bras. I then go for mental broke and try on a few shirts in size 18/20. Hot Damn they fit. A touch snug but nothing to say no to. 18/20 top. WOW. One year ago I was wearing a size 28/30.
Makes the day wonderful.

Hissy fits and gentle tantrums

Well, I guess hissy fits and tantrums win out. :(

I suppose that I like a really good tantrum now and then. It is just that over the years my tantrums did nothing but make my day miserable. I could scream and rant and rage as good as the next person. I have gotten tired of the hissy fit and tantrum lately. Especially with my medical issues. How can one throw a tantrum when they know the situation is totally out of their control? But then again, maybe they are the best ones...?

It isn't that I deal with all the shit that goes on in my life gracefully, rather I deal with it first by considering all the bad and negative things that could be. Then I make myself stop and repeat, almost as a mantra "There are only two things in this world that are so important, Life and Death. You are alive and not dead, therefore, go out and enjoy the day. Laugh at nothing, laugh at everything.

Then again, maybe soon, I could give in and pout for a while.

Cancer
There will always be stresses present in day-to-day living. You can throw a tantrum like a kid, or you can learn to deal with them gracefully. Do so, and you'll increase your sense of humor and your inner joy.


Hell yes!

Here are some pictures I took of the apt. I found out that there is a roof garden that everyone who lives in the building has access to. The outdoor shots are either on the balconies or on that roof.
http://s112.photobucket.com/albums/n197/sandgee1962/apartment/

Yes, the place looks really messy. But I can see it in my head after the owner replaces the carpet and paints. I also can see Jazz and I up on that roof playing a game of fetch. Just not with a bouncy ball.

Two rooms I did not take pics of are the two bedrooms. The one with the pic is the master bedroom. I would take over the two other rooms.

I have convinced my folks to make an offer so I will talk to the agent tomorrow and see what is next.

This ones for Vicki's: Breaking down barriers.....#10

"Barrier: I've tried to exercise regularly in the past and failed. "


I remember this barrier as the biggest one for me concerning exercise.
I realize now that I was not exercising regularly. I was fooling myself.

It is really a mind game.
I walked yesterday for an hour, today I can take it easy.
I swam once already, I can take a day off.

The way to end that barrier was and is consistency. I may not run marathons, nor miles upon miles of biking, but I do something to elevate my heart rate every day. It may be 30 minutes, it may be 2 hours, but it is something.
I think that this way is the best way for me.
Physically and mentally.

Thanks Vicki, for the topic.

Getting Closer

Talked to the rental agent regarding the Long Beach Apt. The owner is going to put down new carpet and paint. One thing down.

I made an appointment with the agent to see the place again. This time I will take pics and take a tape measure.

I asked the agent about price negotiations and she believes that if we put in an offer we can probably end up paying $250 less than quoted.

I also did some phone work for my parents regarding their auto insurance and home insurance.
I was amazed to see the prices they were paying. Well, that is now being taken care of.
I love being able to save people a couple thousand a year.

I have now officially taken over my parents bookkeeping. My mom even gave me an offical title: Administrative Officer and Head Bookkeeper.

Pay's shit but I do get free meals. :)

September 11th

All I still see in my head is the towers falling.
I still feel numb.