I will be, even though I am not so sure I want to, going down to my bro in Virginia for the week of Passover. Jazzy is being taken care of by a friend. I want to visit with my nieces, especially Ava, who is now almost 9 months old; go into DC for the Cherry Blossom Festival; and one or two museums, but I really don't care if I am around either of my brothers. Lately I just have been feeling like I do not exist to them.
I am going because I don't want my mom home April 4th, her wedding anniversary. I wish I could just put her on Amtrak and then come back here to Long Beach and crawl under the covers and ignore the entire week. Everyone is telling me I need to grieve more. Being with my family is going to be one big cry fest and I just don't want to be in the middle of it. I want to sit on the porch and listen to the ocean. I want to go downstairs to the apt's gym and just work out. I want to watch tons of videos and go to see a movie or two. I want to not make any decisions. I want a week to grieve in my own way, in my own time.
I just miss my dad...
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I am tired. It has been one long friggin week. Wednesday I spent all day at Social Services in Uniondale sitting on my butt waiting to be called to have my application for Temporary Assistance and Food stamps. 9AM to 4pm.
Friday I had to go to Mineola, NUMC(Nassau University Medical Center or as I like to call it "Government bull shit Medical Center" to be deemed or not deemed unfit to work so I can get the Temporary Assistance and continue with the food stamps. Four hours there.
Today I had my triannual (?) defensive driving class and was sitting for another three hours.
I am tired, I am in pain, and my butt is so flat from all the damn sitting.
At least I have been using the gym downstairs. I use the bike and the work out ball for balance and crunches. I also, yesterday went for my first PT in the pool. I felt like a kid in a candy factory I was so happy to be back in the water again.
I did discover though that it will definitely be a while until I can swim laps again. My kicking back wards with my left leg is really difficult which means I would have a problem doing the crawl. Ah, well, all in good time.
So, to all, if I am going to Viriginia I wish a happy passover or/and a great easter.
Be back as soon as I can.
2 comments:
I miss my father so much too. Perhaps it would not be so bad if you and your mom stayed home and shared memories and photos of dad. You are now living in a different apartment, right? Ask mom is she wants to go. It may be harder being surrounded by people all missing him and remembering that special day. Instead, take mom out to supper that night, and share the love you both have for him, and always will. They will always be with us. I would give anything to be able to hug my dad again. SIGH
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I hope all that sitting and waiting gives you the help and answers you want and need.
Hugs and kiss's little sis.
Vicki, always your big sis.
Vicki,
Mom does want to go, mostly. She already said that after this, family comes to her. I really do not think she wants to be alone or just with me this passover. So, we will go, at least till Thursday, and after that, if she wants to travel to my bro, she goes herself driving or by Amtrak.
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And I wish you could hug your dad again too.
Love and happy easter Big Sis.
Sandra
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